So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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