Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
