I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She bit a glass in half.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
