he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
