You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
