tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
