He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's shark week go big or go home
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
