She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
