My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
