I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
