shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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