Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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