i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
