Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
