Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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