i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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