hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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