i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
