I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
