I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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