so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
