If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
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We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
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Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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