my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
