Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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