Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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