i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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