Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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