What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
