I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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