umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Bang-toberfest begins!!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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