every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize