I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
