quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
