sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
