Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize