For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
