I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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