You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
