im about as happy as oj after his trial
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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