Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
