I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I smell stomach acid.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize