Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My vagina is officially offended.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
