we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
