At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
