So drunk, too bad you don't want this
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
