I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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