i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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