I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
