Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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