My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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