There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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