dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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