oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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