I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize
