i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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