ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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