Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
