And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
