I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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