i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
