Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
