There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
