your parents love me but you hate me
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
