Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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