I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
