her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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